Obsess much?

OMG peeps--it's been so long! Did you think I feel into a giant Twilight coma? A giant Twilight canyon? A giant Twilight black hole? Well, sort of. I have to be honest here--I've been reading these re-donkulous books too much of late. And quite frankly, it's been making me do a lot of thinking--no, not about Bella and Edward and Jacob. More so about my obsessive nature. Back in the day (I refer to it as my "former life") I had a job that I loved. It was not just a job, it was almost my entire identity. It was what I did during the day and talked about at night. There were times I actually felt embarrassed because they were paying me, rather than me paying them!

Then I got a new boss. And while I still loved my job it was maybe only for 2 hours a day--and I hated it the rest of the time. This boss slowly killed the joy I felt. I became super stressed. I became bitter. I pushed that bitterness onto everyone in my workplace. I was a boss of others, and I killed their joy. MD and I created an account at the bank called the “F@#K You Man” account so someday I could shout that and walk out. I would stare at meeting agendas and think to myself I could just write “I quit” on the top and be done with this. Do you have a full sense of my sad, angry, unpleasant self at the time?

But I wasn’t always like this. You see for a little while each day I was happy, because I was obsessed with a popular TV show. I would go home at lunch, watch the recording and feel like that gave me enough surrogate happiness to survive the next 5 hours at work. Then, after dinner I would watch two more episodes which allowed me to actually sleep rather than replay the day’s events over and over, and get more upset about them as the night ticked away. Oh I loved that show. I could quote 95% of the episodes, I cried over relationships that ended on the show, I’d get worried at certain spots (despite knowing how it was going to end). Simply put, I was crazy. I was obsessed. And that’s how I feel about these Twilight books right now. I feel like I’m reading them to escape something, but I can’t figure out what I need to be away from. I’m happy. I like my job. I love my kids. I love MD. I have fun friends, some who are (thankfully) close and others who may be far away but feel like they’re still close. I even love where I live. So what’s the problem? I just don’t know, but I find myself at the end of the day focusing inward, reading a book rather than reaching out or updating my blog thingy. So for now, I’m going to try to find a better balance. I’ll let you know how it goes!

P.S. There seem to be a lot of “I” statements in this post, sorry about that. Obsess much? Obsess much about myself? I think so!